Housemate Communication and Conflict Resolution
Communicating with your housemates
You can reduce the chance of housemate disputes by laying out simple ground rules early on and communicating regularly. Ideally, these things would happen when you first move in, but it’s never too late to establish better communication and clearer expectations that will help your household run more smoothly.
Establish house rules and responsibilities
Even if the rules seem straightforward, put your housemate agreement in writing, sign and date it, and make a copy for each person. Here are a few topics you might want to include:
- Food and shared household supplies
- Overnight guests and quiet hours
- Daily, weekly, and monthly chores
- How roommate conflicts will be resolved
Tips for communicating regularly
House meetings. Pick a day each month for a house meeting that everyone can and will attend.
Get everyone on board. Make sure everyone agrees before implementing changes that will impact the entire household, such as establishing a chore schedule or adding a new streaming service.
Don’t ignore issues! Talk about problems as they come up. For instance, if a financial issue will cause you to pay rent a week late, be upfront about it ahead of time.
Resolving housemate conflicts
All housemates have conflicts from time to time. Whether you have a disagreement about bills, visitors, chores, noise, or something else, know that you are not alone. We recommend trying to work out disagreements within your household first if possible, but if communication breaks down, don’t hesitate to reach out for extra support.
Nonviolent Communication Model
Many housemate conflicts can be resolved by approaching the person directly. If you would like some guidance to help you and your housemate have a productive conversation, the Nonviolent Communication Model (PDF) is a useful framework.
Campus Mediation Service
Coming summer 2024: The UCSC Restorative Justice Program provides a constructive dialogue process for housemates to address conflict, build understanding, enhance communication and develop mutual agreements to make things right. All services are free, voluntary and private.
Community Mediation
The Conflict Resolution Center of Santa Cruz County is a local non-profit organization offering mediation services for a number of issues, including roommate/housemate conflicts. There is a fee to use their mediation services, though they do offer a sliding scale based on income.
Replacing a housemate
Unless it is stated in your housemate agreement you cannot make a person vacate for being disagreeable. Only the landlord can force them to move if there is a month-to-month rental agreement. In most cases, landlords won’t get involved with housemate issues.
If you need to replace a housemate, you must put your request in writing to the landlord and get their approval in writing. Most landlords will want to check an incoming tenant’s credit and income before they agree to allow them to join the household. Landlords do not have to accept a new tenant and can tell the entire household to vacate.
